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Wednesday, June 18th, 2003
12:01 am - New Beginnings...
This is it....the final entry.....id like to direct you all back to my first one....

my first few ones...head back there and read a few....and read the new ones...

my entire high school life is documented in this journal...

its time to retire...

latly ive seen some leave journals because they are bored with them...or they want to get away to something new...
im leaving mine because it is too old for this :)...it has taken abuse...tears...anger...yelling....crys for help...comments....everything one can put into a journal....so it is time...time to retire this journal and put it to the memory banks :) ill keep it around but i am now designing a new one.....goodbye old friend...ill return to you daily :)....sleep peacefully and continue your fight....

its over guys....this session of life is gone....and i tend to post a new name on here...

DetaJ29


i intend that to be my new name....goto it :) it will be up soon...

some of you may know what it means...some may not...just holdonto it :) ill be posting there now...

farewell journal....youve done me well....

Daniel J. F.

current mood: refreshed

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Monday, June 16th, 2003
1:11 am - once more...
well im sleepless....too much running through my head....

which is great...cause once again i have to drive to orlando tommorow....for another 3:30 appointment...hopefully ill make this one...and it sucks cause its only supposed to be 40 min long....waste of gas if you ask me....well i gotta do what i gotta do....well if anyone needs me...im leaving at 1....and should be home around 7
6 hours of my day...just for an interview *sigh*.....well this should be the last time anyway...hopefully...then ill be moving there....ill be back im sure...
bye guys........

Danny

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Sunday, June 15th, 2003
6:04 pm - Music...And My life.....
"Jumper"---Third_Eye_Blind

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.
I would understand,
The angry boy, a bit too insane,
Icing over a secret pain,
You know you don't belong,
You're the first to fight, You're way too loud,
You're the flash of light, On a burial shroud,
I know something's wrong,
Well everyone I know has got a reason, To say, put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, That you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand.
Well he's on the table, And he's gone to code,
And I do not think anyone knows,
What they are doing here,
And your friends have left, You've been dismissed,
I never thought it would come to this, And I, I want you to know,
Everyone's got to face down the demons,
Maybe today, We can put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand,
I would understand...
Can you put the past away, I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
I would understand...


----------------------------

Moving soon......ive made a decision....im gonna move away....and put the past away.....orlando's big...ill find my way....

And if i find theres no world out there for me....well...i wont take the world on anymore then.....ill give into it...

So I feel now that it wont change...ill leave...then ill just be alone...

but like always im being optimistic...last try world....show me that i havent done it all in vain....and ill live...
stay turned away from me...and ill move on...to something better

Goodday...

Danny

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Friday, June 13th, 2003
11:01 pm - "Personals 101"
Ill never break your heart...
Ill never rip you apart...
Im searching for you now...
and hoping you find me...
Ive been looking for you...
Your the one...
My heart will be yours...
Just take it from my chest...
mind it and care for it...
its too gentle to be broken...
it was torn to bits...
can you fix my heart...
im looking for you...
my love...
my only...
my one...
ive been to hell and back...
ive done it all for you...
ill watch you...
ill care for you...
and ill treat your heart...
with the love mine was denied...
i love you my love...
my one...
my only...
so im leaving my add...
in these personals...
be my one...
my love...
be the one...
i could say i found...
and mend my heart...
my one...
my love.........

Danny Feola

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2:04 am - "Heavy Heart....Shattered Pieces"
With a heavy heart...
Shattered to pieces...
He boxed up his life...
left his heart to rot...
in a cage of emptiness...
in a world no one knew...
he left himself there to face his life...
cold and alone....
with the world breaking him to bits...
and his heart falling to pieces...
he sits in the dark...
his head between his knees...
wondering where the strength comes from...
can there be a light at the end...
he was told it gets better...
he fails to follow his own advice...
with a heavy heart....
shattered to pieces...
he closes up his life...
from others in the world...
so not to show...
his shattered heart...
so not to show...
his empty soul...
he praises god...
for this gift...
the gift to block it out...
to block out the feelings...
he curses satan...
for making this gift...
his downfall...
his gift...
his curse...
he closed it up...
from the world...
and now lives his life...
in the dark...
looking...
searching...
for the light...
with a heavy heart...
shattered to pieces...
he closes up his feelings...
and looks for the strength...
the strength he has...
or had...
to fight this life...
this life that decided...
to take his heart...
and shatter it to pieces...

Danny Feola

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Thursday, June 12th, 2003
12:20 am - Said the savior to the mourner...
as the mourner cried his pain and sorrow...
came the savior.....who was there to help
and said the savior to the mourner
"sober up your tears....and suck it up"
and as he past the mourner and shunned his actions...
the mourner looked and took the advice...
he looked on the world and hid away his woe...
and as the days past by and by the mourner walked in this new life...
he began to hurt to talk...and hurt to think...
so he past the savior and asked him why...
and said the savior to the mourner
"i but suggested...you followed the path...now live it.."
and as the mourner cried his pain...in a world where noone saw...
he took the broken pieces up in his arms and walked on forever more...
and it pains him to speak...and pains him to think....
and wishes he had stayed...
to mourn where people saw...
to mourn again that day the savior came...
to mourn again where someone stopped...
to mourn again and have someone say unto him...
"im with you..."
and mourn no more...


Danny Feola

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12:11 am - "scream at nothing..."
Look to the sky.....
ask why its you
why you were made for that purpose...
the purpose to hurt...
the purpose to cry...
and then know...
you can never scream to the sky...
you can never scream the words inside...
you can never yell out the pain....
and learn your destiny...
to be broken...
and then look to the sky....
close your mouth...
thats the time...
to wipe away the tears...
and hide them from the sky...
because you know...
you cant scream to the sky...
you cant let it know your sorrow...
because you brought this upon yourself...
you are the one...
the one to blame...
go scream at nothing...
and cry...

Danny Feola

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Wednesday, June 11th, 2003
11:26 pm - confusion....
"Sightless Heart...."


The twisted feelings...
The painfull stings...
words he'll never express...
because he built his box...
the breaking heart....
the teared filled eyes...
things he'll never say....
because he built his box
happy times he tends to remember....
hurtfull times that rule his life...
the painfull memories...
fears he'll never share...
because he built his box...
yes he built his box....
to shield from the world...
his weakness and sorrow...
and now all he cries for...
is for this sightless heart...
to shed its box...
and see once more....

Danny Feola

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Monday, June 9th, 2003
3:40 pm - change change change...
change again :) had about 3 major times with change this is another one....
Moving soon....gotta get all my shit together....few things i wanna take care of....with myself before i leave...so i figured why not share them :) get some opinions...

Life...well this one is in general...im moving...but its really hectic...roomate thing is falling through...because every person the apartment Hunters place has sent me is around 25-30 which is horrible...i cant live with someone that old...social aspect would kill me :-P
for those who dont know apartment hunters is a free service that find a apartment for you on whatever price limit you give them...then you tell them what kinda person you are and what kind you would like to live with and they find you a roomate(if you want one)
personally i would rather live by myself...but too expensive....

Family...im kinda nervous cause i havent been away from my family for more then a month...and this house has always been home...im afraid that in a few years...they will move to a smaller house...because brian will be starting high school...and he will be older

so im worried they will sell our home...and move to a smaller cheaper house...still in town..just smaller......

but thats not a big big worry biggest one is leaving them...im a very sheltered kid :)

friends...this is my biggest worry...there are about 15 ppl i would REALLY like to k.i.t. with....i love them all so much...it scares me leaving them....

Love...this i recently learned something about in the past two weeks....
I dont want it...sure im gonna be upset not having someone....but ill get through it...after all ive lived like this for so long...ive come to accept it as my destiny...
i think i know the problem though...im too clingy...i want a commitment...someone who will always be there...someone who will be there at every call...im not too jealous...i dont care if she goes out with her friends to places..or chills somewhere...i could care less...its just i want someone to commit myself too...i need that...and i relize thats not something i can have..so i live with it...cause theres noone out there...willing to settle down at 18....i dont mean get married or anything...or even move in with them...i just want someone who is there...and i havent found that person yet....
im too picky too...one of my biggest peeves...that have cost huge problems in my relationships...is distance..i wouldnt be able to stand driving far to be with someone...i know thats crazy and stupid....cause i hear it all the time..."I could be 5 hours away from someone and still be with them" yes well notice the first word in that sentence...I.....unfourtantly you are not me......
besides i know i can wait :) ive been around my sister jess and her b/f chris so much...and seeing what they have :)....it makes me happy...for her...and him...i know i can wait for something like that :) and i will wait for it
for now im happy and content with what im doing and with myself...
in fact love is one of the reasons i wanna live alone...i feel more free..and am able to think when im alone....but i know its impossible...wayyy too much money to live alone..o well...ill deal

Finally its home....i dont wanna leave home...not just my house...but this whole place..this whole town....i wrote it before in entries...i never wanna leave...i love it here...and i stay here and raise a family...sure i wanna see the world and ill do it...but i was raised here and i wanna die here....time will do that to someone...well i guess i will see where time takes me...maybe my feelings will change...i dont know...i like spur of the moment things...

Im going to go now...im ok :) just shaken up by change....ill ttyl

Danny


p.s. jackie if you ever do get on to read this...im sorry i havent been in touch...im still haveing some of those problems we talked about...:-P.....ill call you as soon as i can....

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Wednesday, May 14th, 2003
5:22 pm - School Essay
At 17 years old, as the teenage years come to an end, many do not know what they want out of life. Just getting into life they finally begin to realize that things are not handed to them on a silver platter. I made that realization and now see the urgency to go out and receive an education in a field that will keep me happy and supported. Culinary Arts has always been a hobby, as well as an enjoyable experience for me. I believe that each dish made is in fact a piece of art, and as we all know art is something that can be enjoyed by all forms of life. From young to old, rich to poor, I will enjoy allowing all kinds of people to enjoy my artwork and my creation. By being able to attend the Orlando Culinary Academy I know that I will not only gain the ability to create this art, but I will also be able to share it with others for the rest of my life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thas the essay i wrote to the culinary acadamy..........

theres a great chance i may get in.......

but im scared.....im not rdy for life yet guys.......i dont know.......

Danny

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Monday, May 12th, 2003
5:08 pm - SLUGGY QUIZ............thx rach
You are Torg!
Which Sluggy Freelance main character are you?

brought to you by Quizilla

HELL YES TORG IS DA MAN

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo

actually "Sam-da-man" but in this case TORG IS WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo



Torg
You're Torg! One of the biggest stars of Sluggy!
Congradulations. Youre a freelance web designer
with an alien secretary who you're best friend,
a mastermind, is somewhat edgy about. You also
have a violent bunny rabbit who kicks your ass
every once in awhile. Unfortunatly, you also
caused the demise of your one true love, Val.
(sob)


What Sluggy Freelance Character Are YOU???
brought to you by Quizilla



YES TORG IN BOTH WHOOOOOOOo

Danny

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Tuesday, May 6th, 2003
10:26 pm - Why...
Why do i write these??
these entries....am i expecting anything?? do i want sympathy?? do i want someone to tell me something?? or do i not want anything at all?? do i just want to state my life as it is??? why........these questions plague me....no matter which entry i write i find myself never happy with the outcome.........its either ppl get the wrong idea........or reply when i wanna be left alone.....or keep quiet when i need someone so bad.......so i think i write these confusing and cryptic entries because it saves me the trouble of having to deal with whatever reaction may come..........so off we go......

I took a long bath........and thought.....i slipped into almost asleep...............and i thought........i found the source of everything.....pain happiness.........sorrow......anger.......everything....i found it.........im done now......ive made a choice.....im letting him out........years ago i shut him in....because i didnt like him..........seems like a fair choice doesent it?? i mean...i locked him up because i swore to myself that this path wasent one i wished to walk...that it was the wrong path.....what if i was fooling myself.....i never got to know the person i could of been.....because i was so quick to shut him out.........but now....i let him have me.....sure i can put him back now......but i want to wait.......i want to see where he takes me.......i want to see my life in the hands of someone i shut away........in someone who could of been the right person for me to be............instead of this one.......so i have the ability to put him away now......doesnt mean i want too..........soon i may not have this ability.......soon i will lose control.....i know this.....but he may handle it better then i.......

I let him out...........expect a change..........


Danny

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Monday, May 5th, 2003
9:47 pm - WHOOOOO INUYASHA QUIZZES



You are Shippo!

Find out Which
Inuyasha Character you are.




The staff of heads can be used in a variety of ways. It can be used to hit your opponents, flame them, and block various attacks.


You should wield the Staff of Heads!

Find out Which
weapon from Inu Yasha should you wield.




Shippo with the staff of heads...............LOL HOW INTRESTING.............


(and for those of you who are inuyasha illiterate....yes shippo IS a MALE.....he's just a little boy)

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Thursday, May 1st, 2003
4:16 pm - poetry
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,--I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.





If and or when i get married....I swear that will be my vow.....that is the most beautifull and well written love poem ( in my opinion)....

extra point if you tell me who wrote it and who they wrote it for :)

its not that hard....

Danny

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4:06 pm - I....
I am A brother...
I am a friend...
I am a person...
I Am a guy..
I am a hypocrite..
I am like everyone else..
I am me...
I Have no clue who "Me" is....
I dont want to live forever...
I dont want to grow up..



I heard once that you should always remain young at heart...because the older you feel...the older you get....i hate change...and i never want this world to change...i like how it is...

but its gonna change anyway...so its deal with it or leave it...and since im in no mood nor place to leave it...ill live with it...smiling...because im happy :)

Ta Ta

Danny

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Thursday, April 24th, 2003
11:54 pm - done......
I said what i said...
I dont regret it...Nor do i wish to take it back....
I feel that instead of settling things...they are just dissapating.....but the result isint the same.......we have now formed something new......
I know where i know stand with angie......i will not say anything about what she belives because idont wanna get into it again....much as she doesent with me......so i know where i stand.....and im relived.
I am tired now.......worn out from a long grudge.......i need rest......and time for my mind to play catchup

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12:01 am - Jess & Kell......
Look im all bitchy......as youve noticed.....but heres the thing.......im pissed off with two people........
and one of you is good friends with one........and the other one is good friends with the other.......but i care about you both.....

Kell.......i love you with soooo much.......im sorry you are mad at me at the moment.....or if your not im sorry i went off blasting shit out of my mouth......i love you and i hope you can still be there.....as i will be here for you......

Jess.....i know your probaly appaled at what i said.......and im sorry if i hurt you........i love you soooo much.......just as i do kelly......im sorry if what i said offended you in anyway......but i hadda do what i hadda do......i hope you wont leave me either......

i love you guys......and though im falling apart and turning into a complete ass........im sorry i hurt you.....and if you never wanna see my ass again i understand.......kell the money is behind the pic of you and angie......you know the one with the best friends sticker on it.......(if you havent found it already)........keep it.....consider it a last resort apologetic present....in case you never wanna see me again......and if things are too fucked up......ill give my ticket up to ya......take someone you care about.......

im sorry you guys...

Goodnight

Love

Danny

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Wednesday, April 23rd, 2003
11:46 pm - fuck it
god fucking damnit

noone else wants to hear shit .....but its ok to dish it out to danny...

fuck it im an ass...why try to fucking fight it anymore...

you know what...fucking shout out time...

angie im damn glad that everything we ever went through means shit to you...because as you put it..."Fuck it, I moved away your all out of my lives now...i dont wanna hear it"

Im real glad...after all that bullshit you feed me about not caring about you enough...or not doing shit for you....i gave my fucking life to you...sorry im too immature for your fucking "mature" standerds.....i guess you can just find another "Mature" 30 year old to fuck around with and make out wiht...they seem to make you happier...
and for feeding me all that bullshit about not caring to spend "the last night you may be around" with you......yet you can just haul ass without so much as a see ya later danny.......nice.......fucking great.........and run all you want........and call yourself as "MATURE" as you want...........as long as you keep making jokes about shit....and goofing around like you do........you will never just "dump us" because you moved away......and you will never be "mature"
your just one of those fucking ppl who likes older guys because they are more "mature".......got news for ya.....YOUR NOT FUCKING MATURE.........

And rachel just fuck it...so what somebody said something...so the fuck what....i mean common it doesent mean shit anyway.....let em talk....dont go around starting world war 3 just because someone said something.........it doesent fucking matter......just leave it be it doesent fucking matter
im serious everytime a little word leaks out.....you act like everyone hates you......im sorry you will never fucking belive my reasons for doing what i did........but i cant change that.....and no i cant prove it.....so just fucking dont care.......it doesent matter anyway


I DONT FUCKING CARE ANYMORE....

im so fucking sick of you two throwing shit back and fourth through me....like im the fucking ass here.......

but your right I AM.........


its not just you two ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh no.........everyone got a problem with someone else......you cant change it.........so fuck it all.........god damnit im just sikc of the shit.......

so bitch att me......yell at me.......FUCK YOU!!!!!.......I DONT CARE
im not gonna come crawling back all ooooo im sorry i didnt mean it......

Goddamnit

Danny

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12:38 am - Thee....Thee.................*silence*
Fain would I be to utter that a third time....yet i would have to find the love first...

Fain would i to live in the fantasy world...

Such as the one created in the books..
Phaze....what a world to live in...

then i would utter that a third time when i would find my true love...

albeit this be an impossible dream........

But man can dream......and so he will

Goodmorrow to all

Daniel

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Saturday, April 19th, 2003
7:55 pm - I have reappeared
I am back...........i relize i dissappeared for the past few days.........but im back now.......things have been odd........i feel like im trying to overcome a tremendous force........im ok now though.....ya know where to find me if ya need me........ive been online alot latly.........but mostly at obscene hours when noone is on........i find the nighttime a well deserved salvation.......that and piers anthony......i am glad he is writing....without his books id be lost.........

Goodnight...

Danny

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